What Every Dad Needs to Hear Right Now - A Fathers Day Special

In this special Father's Day episode, hosts Brad Broyles, Nathan Palmer, and guest Aaron Kaczmarek reflect on fatherhood, autism, family life, and the lessons they've learned as dads, educators, and advocates.

The episode begins with exciting updates from Polaris Academy, then shifts to the heart of the episode: fatherhood.

Nathan shares the importance of recognizing and addressing our own dysregulation as parents, reminding dads that it's okay to admit when they're stressed, overwhelmed, or struggling. He encourages fathers to stop masking, learn their own nervous system responses, and model healthy emotional regulation for their children.

Aaron reflects on lessons learned through parenting and family challenges, including supporting loved ones through cancer. He emphasizes the importance of grace, listening without always trying to fix problems, and understanding that mistakes and failures are opportunities for growth.

Brad discusses the challenges of balancing work, family, and parenting while highlighting the importance of being present with each child and intentionally creating meaningful connections.

The episode closes with a reminder that no parent has all the answers, but showing up, staying connected, and continuing to learn alongside our children can make all the difference.

Key Message: Fatherhood isn't about perfection. It's about presence, growth, grace, and the willingness to keep showing up for your family every day.

We want to hear from you! Follow us and leave a comment on our Instagram at ThePolarisConnection or reach us at Info@PolarisAcademy.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Mistakes are good. I always tell my families and my kids, you know, failure is an option. I had somebody say, Oh, you know, you you must hate failure. And I'm like, I embrace failure. It's not that I employ failure, but there's always an opportunity to learn.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Hello everyone, and welcome to the Polaris Connection, connecting parents of autistic children with industry experts. Each week we navigate the world of autism together, bringing you real conversations from specialists who truly did it. The journey is challenging, but you don't have to walk it alone. So settle in, get cozy, let's connect and do some good. I am your host, Brad Royals, and I'm here with my Danny Tanner and Joey Gladstone co-host Nathan Palmer and Aaron Casmer, guys. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

I am fantastic. Couldn't be better, Brad. Love the energy and cannot believe, cannot believe we are already in June.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Yes, yes. Can you believe that? We're in June, and Father's Day is just right around the corner, Mr. Danny Tanner.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Thank you for the nod to the famous dads of the past.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Well, it just suits you so well. You're clean, you're always doing good things. You have a, you know, your everybody loves you.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Does our our audience know who Danny Tanner is? You need to explain. Danny Tanner is.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

No way. You've never seen Full House? Oh, yeah. Don't you remember Full House? Yeah, Danny Tanner. And then you're Joey because you're you're a kid at heart.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

So for the Gen Xers out there, nod to your childhood. For the rest of you that may be a little younger, it's a good watch if ever you want to do some throwback sitcom TV.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yes, I love it. And now, of course, I'm Uncle Jesse. I'm a rocker at heart. Well, folks, today, you know, as as uh we have a very special Father's Day podcast. Father's Day is right around the corner, and we want to talk a little bit more about the secret of fatherhood and how to do that in a neurotypical um environment. But before, Nathan, tell us a little bit of the updates of Polaris Academy, what's going on. A lot of things that we we're in the news a lot. There's a lot of things out there. We just wanted to bring our audience some quick updates and some clarifications of things that they hear in the news today.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Yeah, I'd love to. Um, you know, for those that uh, because we have listeners all over, for those that don't know the Polaris Academy background, it um it's a school for autistic and neurodivergent kids, and it was really the result of a question. What would happen if you smash all the supports of autism together in one place? You know, if you take therapy-trained, clinical trained, education-trained individuals, so teachers, therapists from ABA, speech, OT backgrounds, and you just make them all work cohesively in one combined staff, and the result was Polaris Academy. And it's been uh, man, it's been a ride. We started with one campus for 100 kids and since then have um begun collaborating with multiple public school districts, um, opening two campuses in the Mesa Public School District uh schools that have been wonderful collaborators. And uh, you know, started with 10,000 square feet. I think now we're gonna be somewhere close to almost 90 when you factor all of them together between our Starlight initiative. And yeah, it's been uh you know, Brad, it's I say this a lot in the past, and I think I've said it even on a couple podcasts. Um my wife and I were we were unwillingly thrown into the world of autism, you know, when our son got his diagnosis, and we've talked about I think our last one of our last episodes, we talked about you know finding yourself in Holland when you were planning to go to Italy. So we were we just took this journey that was placed upon us. We had the imaginary change.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

It gives me a new appreciation for the Dutch.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

And um it has been so refreshing to see how many people have taken that journey with us and just voluntarily, yourself included, Aaron and everybody around us, jump into this world of autism to support all of us that had our tickets changed. And um, Polaris, I think, is just a great shining example of uh that we're doing something right because it has grown faster, I think, than any of us could have ever dreamt, and uh it is pulling us all all along for the right of our lives. So couldn't be couldn't be more excited about everything coming.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Well, and and it is exciting, and it's uh you know, it's cool to see what we're doing. Aaron, with you, you know, coming back, coming from a world of education, jumping into the world of neurodiversity with autistic kiddos. What's been the biggest um change that you've experienced throughout this process? A lot of our families who when they, you know, they start in you know, one belief system before they start working with autistic children and they had to change behavior. What's a big behavior that you've had to change and adapt to?

SPEAKER_00 4:43

It was really the blending of the therapies and the ABA therapy and the BCBA, which I was very unfamiliar with with almost 30 years in public education. We did have BCBAs, but it was typically a gatekeeper to a more self-contained program. And when I saw the magic of a BCBA and ABA therapy and how it truly supported the students and allowed them the entry point into the academics, that was the game changer for me. And just the lens that BCBAs and therapists have. You know, this last year we added OT, and I knew of OT, but I never saw really the value. I've learned things about just balance and that central nervous system and then the muscle development, all those things that bring about calmness to my students that I never had. So really delving into the therapy world has been a game changer for me, both as a dad, as a husband, and absolute as a professional.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Yeah. Well, and I can I can speak to that as well, too, Erin. Like before doing this, there's a lot of things I didn't really understand about the brain and and the body movement and whatnot, and and learning, you know, the best practices of ABA therapy and then also occupational therapy. Then we got into pathological demand avoidance. It's been an incredible ride. Now, Nathan, I know that you've worked in more in the world of construction. We talked about before some development concepts that we've done in Polaris Academy that people can do in their own homes. Can you remind the audience of some features that they might see at Polaris Academy that they can incorporate at home?

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Yeah, I mean the the low-hanging fruit is going to be lighting and sound. Um, lighting fixtures are a huge feature. It's probably one of our business b biggest expense items, just having adaptive lighting. Um, and that speaks to both the color, right, the tone of the light, as well as the ability to dim it. So changing the light for what activity you're doing, you know, a little bit brighter, more focused light if you're doing something that requires more attention, being able to dim and soften it when you want to lower that down. Um we try to avoid the blue or the daylight lights, right? That's typically can be a little harsh. It's great for maybe a standard admin work environment, not good for kids on the spectrum. So that that middle tone, that bright white, um, I think it's around the 3,800 to 4,000 Kelvin range, is where we tend to land, is uh is really where you want to be on the tone. Um, and there are so many fixtures now that you can do to swap out things in your home that are inexpensive from Home Depot, buying a dimmer switch for the wall, these are all a lot of them do-it-yourself type of things that just make make a difference. Our coves, I think, are my my one of my favorite things. Um, we accidentally discovered the idea of a COVID.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

I remember that day too.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

So so if you'll let me explain what it is, why I remember looking at an open floor plan, concrete floor, and we're like, huh, we can either put a closet here or I have a crazy idea.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

You know, I think I'm known for the crazy idea days. Um yeah. So listen, the one of my frustrations in touring schools, and I uh we have talked about this before, uh, is the sensory room. Um we talk about that a lot because the way sensory rooms have become used more frequently are as almost like a fun center. So if you Google that on your computer, sensory room, you're gonna see these rooms that have these LED lights and these beanbag chairs and swings and books and toys, and any kid in any state is gonna go into that space and be just fine. So they work great. The problem becomes in the behavior programming. So we we do this a lot in the school, and even on the podcast, we talk about behaviors communication. So, what am I communicating to a kid when he gets dysregulated and I take him to that room? Okay, what we're saying is hey, when you act this way, you get to go to this.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

I know, and I always make the comparisons like Brad, if you act out, you better stop because you have to play Madden football for the next two hours. Right. I'm like, I'm like, oh darn it.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

No, no, we love it as practitioners because it's a quick fix, right? But it's just like giving your kid the candy every time they nag you. You're going, you're rewarding the wrong behavior. And so what's become a tool has has almost become a crutch because it's reinforcing and teaching these kids are smart. They are they're they all come to us as these magical houdinis. They know how to get out of an unpreferred task. And they know what happens, you know, when when they do it. And once they, as soon as they learn there's a reward, there's this fun space, it makes that behavior increase. So we switch the game and we have coves. So these coves are literally little alcoves in our hallway. They're not corners in a room. Um, isolationist practices and autism, I think, are one of the biggest travesties, and it's where we've kind of gone wrong. Because anytime you take a kid that gets dysregulated and you separate them, even if you're saying I'm trying to give them your space, but when you separate them from the group and you say, you have to be over there, not here, I don't care what the intention is, what you're telling them is what you're doing is wrong, it's not acceptable, it doesn't belong in this space. And no mat no matter your good intentions, you are ingraining shame and lack of confidence and guilt for what is to them just a normal experience. And we wanted to change that. So, right in our open hallways, like you said, we had these alcoves, and it was this accidental space. We had we had a mess up in our drawings, it created this deviation in the wall, it was like a two-foot nook. And to your point, Brad, could we do a closet? Do we frame a cross? Yeah, and I'm standing there in the chalk line, and there was this seat I sat in once that had like fabric on the sides and the top. So when you sat down in the seat, you like sat in the seat. Yes, and the sound dynamic changed, and it was like cozy, and it just felt like home. And I'd seen if you've gone to like carnivals and you see those sound boxes.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Well, I remember seeing that at a buddy of mine works at um Zillow and they do like these sound boxes. Yeah. Like you can go in there and just scream at the top of your lungs and nobody can hear you.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Yeah, we call them the fishbowl, right? You have to have windows in it because otherwise it'd be a black hole. But you go into this box and you're just on display. No neurodivergent kid in their right mind is going into that box for everybody to stare at them. You're trying to get some quiet time alone and we're just saying, hi everybody, let me look at the weird kid in the box. So we don't make it as an odd space. It's it's literally a bench right in our open hallway. But when you sit back in this alcove, we've lined it with this acoustic felt on three sides. And sound sound is vibration. So when you lean back, even though you're right out in the open, the sound dampens, and it will sound like you're in a private closed room, even though you're right there in the open. And in the open's key, you're seeing somebody in the one across the hall, you're seeing kids walk by, you're seeing staff, so you're not isolated. In fact, we're not hiding you, we're we're in we're all here together. They're decorated nice. It's not a timeout, but you can sit there as long as you want and you can just acclimate. The thing is, it's not rewarding. There's no toys there. We have little desks so they can stay with you know on task with work. It's like quiet study time, but over time, their bodies settle and regulate. But in our classroom, that's where we have all the functional tools, our programmable Legos, our write and wipe desktops, our interactive games, and social group time. That's the fun zone. And so the kids that are used to escaping class to get to these sensory rooms, now they escape really to just a place that accommodates, but it doesn't reward. And after whether it's 30 seconds or 30 minutes, they all kind of get to this place of, hey, how do I get back to class? Because this is nice, but I'm bored. Right. And now the classroom is the preferred environment, and it completely flipped the game on behavior. When we first opened, Aaron remembers those nooks were buzzing nonstop. By the end of the first year, it was maybe a third as frequent. And a lot of our kids learn to self-place, self-remove. So they're learning advocacy skills to self-regulate. It's been a game changer. So at home, how do you create this? Any alcove, any space where you can create soft materials, you can do this with sheets, with towels, with blankets, and you just create a spot that they can sit in. Again, not removed. You don't want to make this a out-of-the-way space. You don't want isolation, but just let them sit in that comfort and they regulate and they can reset. And it's an accommodation, it's not a reward. And that's that's the differentiator.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

You know what's interesting too on your point. We saw a lot of students there at first, but then over the the course of the school year, a lot of our teachers used it as a place so that they can like sit and be quiet. And Mr. K, you use it a lot.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

I did almost our entire cognia report, which was well over a hundred pages, and I'm super ADHD in that cove. And it to Nathan's point, I loved being in the center of the action. I wasn't isolated, I wasn't in my office, I wasn't hidden away in this little cove. I loved being in the action. I love having the kids come sit to me. So it was not a punitive space, it was a very purist space. So the kids would come out and what are you doing, Mr. Casmeric? And I'm well, I'm working on this report. And the ability to function and do work in there changed it as a resource. And the kids wanted to go there and they enjoyed sitting there. And then they're like, All right, I'm good, I'm going back to class. And so it was very natural and holistic. And that was the beauty of the cove. As an educator, we've done that my entire life. We'd set a couple desks or chairs outside, but that acoustic felt and that sitting into allowed you to focus. And I have a hard time focusing. I am that guy squirrel, I'm hammy on over the hedge. And so what happens is when you get in there, it really gets you locked in. And so it's it's just wonderful. And as I as Nathan said, you're on display with your peers. It's not isolation, it is social.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Well, and before we go before we get to our Father's Day special, there's a few things I wanted to address real quick. One, Polaris Academy is involved with this collaboration with a public school entity here, which is Mesa Public Schools. Nathan, can you speak to that? And why is that historic and why is that important? And how come this has hasn't happened before in the way that we're doing it? Um, and and what does that mean to the community?

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yeah, you know, uh Aaron would probably speak better to that than I am. He's he's really the connection that helped make that happen because he came from that public school world. But um when he first posited the idea that there might be this collaboration, it was a pipe dream. Um, we always thought that what we did could only happen in the private space. Nobody had done this kind of a mashup before. Uh, and in fact, I don't even think that the public world would allow us to do what we're doing. It's just it's cost prohibitive, it's really rare. Um, and a lot of times private is seen as competitive to public. Aaron had dinner with one of the reps from Mesa that has that was looking at options for some of their school space and and just bringing up what we did, they did not see us as competitive. Uh, and when we met with their board very early on and explained the population that we're helping, they they're like, you know what, we've been trying to find a solution for this population as well. We can't execute the way you are. It was it just from the very get-go, it was it was ultra collaborative. And it wasn't, you know, just trying to to them solve a problem, like, will you come help us fill space? No, they they made space. They were they were very, very proactive in bringing us in. And it's now to the point where we're setting up times to actually train their staff and some of the techniques we've learned for the autism population. So having a private and a public work together on the same public campus and offer this, you know, diversity of services to this population, it's been it's been groundbreaking. I'm hoping it's a model for other schools in the future.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Well, meeting with Andy Forlis and Matt Strom and the School Board of Mace Public Schools, they saw us as complementary, not competitive. And that complementary mindset, and I appreciate it, it was a it was a bold move for them because they got a lot of backlash because we are seen as competitive. But once you see it in application and you understand the needs and how we're able to service differently, it really supports the system. And now that I'm in the buildings working with these amazing principals that were colleagues of mine in the past, they're excited to learn about also what I've learned about how therapy and education are one and the same.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

Well, and how can you speak to that with our friends that live in Ohio, uh Tennessee, Florida, Texas? Like, how can we help change that paradigm shift to where organizations of what we do are not competitive, we're collaborative, and we want to help the general population just as much as a public school does?

SPEAKER_00 17:36

It takes an open mind. It really takes some uh innovators and some leaders to do that. It takes a school board and it takes a superintendent willing to open it up. It takes educating the community and it uh having educators jump into this arena and seeing us as collaborative. Scottsdale has been a huge resource of understanding how we're we are complementary. You know, they they have available space as well, and they're very adamant about it can't be competitive, it can't continue to shrink our enrollment, but it actually has to be an added value. And they truly see that. And so having those very business-like conversations, because we have to, we're an organization that serves all of our people. I'm an educator, and having that business sense is incredibly important because once you see the logistics and the financial positive impact to both a public school and to this private setting, and then ultimately the most important product is the family that you're servicing. We're actually bringing families back into the campus. So it just takes somebody to have the conversation and look at it differently.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Yeah. And Nathan, how can we begin those conversations nationwide? Because it's it's working well here in Mesa, Arizona. We want to spread it the same message across the nation. That's why we have a podcast.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

I guess that'd be an ask to our listeners, Brad. It's just spread the word. You know, what we're doing here, we can do because of a lot of state policy, but that doesn't exist everywhere. So talk to your local leaders, you know, share the message of what we're doing here. And you know, school choice is is a hot topic right now. And there's pros and cons with it. I think what we're doing is a really resounding resource of why it can be a wonderful, great thing, especially for specialized populations. So ask questions of your local leaders, share this podcast, you know, let the world know what we're doing. And we we don't play our cards close to our chest.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

We give it all away. We're the worst gamblers.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

We are. There's no poker face here.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

No, we're we're horrible.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

It brings it up. I have had several outside schools come into our tours on Thursday night, and you can spot them a mile away, and we're just open. I when we've tried to visit other campuses, they're very closed off. And parents are always shocked. They're like, Well, can I come and see the campus? We're like, Of course. Uh, we do live in a uh society where we want our parents involved. And so opening up what we do, we're we're just an open book.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

Right. And so we invite that to anyone if you'd like to come see our campuses, see what we're doing. Mesa's a very easy place to fly to.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

It was the first autism certified city in the world. I think we started here for a reason. And uh yeah, yeah, doing great things.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Fly down and come take a look at us. Now, also, guys, we have some big things that are coming in this uh here at the end of the year, um, at the end of the summer, end of the year. Can you guys explain what's what's the new things that people can see from Polaris Academy uh here in the next few months?

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Well, the biggest is our high school. Uh we have Brent Gardner, who is a district director of actually gifted and talented, is running this campus. He's brought an incredibly specialized team to come in here and support our students. The fact that we're providing so many pathways for our students, putting the parents in the driver's seat, knowing that the parent is absolutely included into that rollout of their child. Is it college-bound? Is it credentialed or some type of certification within the workforce, or is it just, you know, functional living? And so we we have a pathway for all of them. Uh, we actually had an exciting person that we'll announce later on that really is an asset to us to pairing our students to industry and job experts so that they can become independent learners and putting them in workplace opportunities where they thrive. Because sometimes people underestimate what our students are. And in working with this specific population, we do call it superpowers. These are gifts that these children have and define that. But yes, they do have the areas, and sometimes we as individuals, and I see it really tough for the parents that people focus on the things that aren't going well. But if we change that lens and see the glass half full as opposed to half empty, it's a game changer. And that's really what the therapists have done for me.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Well, speak more to that, Erin. Like, why what makes our high school or Players Academy at usury pass, the high school that that's being developed right now, different than any other high school that an autistic child has an option to go to?

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Well, hopefully it's not different than any other high school. See What our families want is they want they want that experience, but they don't want to be isolated and left out. So hopefully it mimics that of a traditional. Now, obviously, we don't have enough space to be a full comprehensive, but we want to offer every experience. But with the integration of the therapies, it's really a masterpiece that has not been created yet. And to see the evolution and to see the conversations, and I guarantee that what we start out on August 6th will look very different come September 6th, October 6th, and then November. Because it took us about a year to really figure out what Polaris is when our first one. And that's the beauty. Uh Brad, you said it. You said we will always be a startup company, whether we're in year one or 30. And I think that mentality resonates with our families and with our educators, that we always have to be on the edge. We cannot get comfortable and just say, okay, that's just the way we do it. That's not our mindset.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Yeah. Well, and that's kind of the reason why we have this podcast and our amazing guests that we've in that we've introduced to our audience nationwide. These are forward thinkers, they're educators, they're in the trenches. And we wanted to share that with our audience so that they too can also be empowered as we are being empowered as well. It's like I feel like we're all discovering this together. Like we're all on this journey together. And as we do that, we're all going to grow and elevate together.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Well, in the high school, a lot of my families they want the dance, they want the prom. They want the athletics. They want the trades. They want the specialties. And so how we create that in a neurodivergence-friendly environment, that's the trick. So it really is the blending of those things and bringing them together. And so I'm just thrilled to see it. Awesome. And and the biggest news, I on the educational side is at Dobson Ranch, the music. I am so excited to see the music. Music is a passion of mine. You both are incredible musicians. I'm just a consumer of music.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

Of what reggae music.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

I love my reggae music. But music is very therapeutic for me. You know, I can have a stressful day, and that is my calming zone. And we have somebody, and I'm so excited to see what he's he's going to do. And he has an autistic child. He's actually an industry expert. We'll bring him on the air. I'll leave that to be happening later. Yeah, I mean, he's incredible. And to see that we've given him a blank canvas and he's talked to me. He's done it for eight years in another school. He's talking about, hey, we're going to do music production, we're going to do music performance, we're going to do general music understanding. So I'm super excited about seeing what happens at Dobson Ranch with our kids because that's an experience that our families don't always get in these alternate experiences. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Uh Nathan, anything else that we're missing that our parents should know?

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Yeah, well, Aaron talked about putting our parents in the driver's seat, but I'm most excited about putting our kids in the driver's seat because we are bringing driver's ed this year, which is a good twist. I like that. I'm like, where is he going with this?

SPEAKER_02 24:55

No, that's that's uh I mean, as a as a dad All I know is I'm gonna be doing it too. Can't wait to see this.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Maybe I'm jumping into the dad segment too quick, but that's probably where we're going anyways. As a as a dad, that gave me some anxiety about getting my neurodiverse kid ready for the road and having a full-on simulator with wraparound screen and haptic feedback, like a legit driving experience in the comfort of a school. I mean, yeah, like I I I cannot wait for that. That's that's my biggest unveiling. I can't wait to show the world. Um, but that's coming this fall, too.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

Oh, that's that's can I bring my boys into it because they drive too much?

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Well, they they're gonna have to wait. And your boys are big. They are big.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

I don't know how they're gonna be fit into it.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Well, that yeah, let's just kind of lead that in, you know. Well, and before we get to our dad segment, there's a few things we just want to share with the audience. We have um our open house on the 24th of July. So of all those, please come over and come take a look at it. We're also having our annual gala, which is an October 22nd. We like to invite the public to. And then Nathan, is this too early to announce? This next year in the springtime, we're gonna have an annual conference called Autism Unbounded.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

That's uh you know, you put it out in the world, so I guess it's not too early to announce. No, we've been talking about this for a while, and I think it's the result of we we've we've all been to autism conferences, I've been to ABA conferences, we've been to OT conferences, and everybody speaks in their field, but we wanted to introduce an idea. Um, and I think it took Polaris Academy to make it a reality, and that was what could you do with ABA, with OT, with speech, if you didn't have uh insurance restrictions, if you didn't have Medicaid oversight. In other words, if you just took the practitioner and said, if a child didn't have to qualify and you weren't governed by state departments on what you could or couldn't do with your craft, and you just got to be the practitioner and decide what could you do with ABA? What could you do if you blended ABA with OT? What could you do with speech? If a child didn't qualify for speech, but your talents were helping somebody, you know, transition to adulthood, learn how to flirt, learn how to actually interview for a job. Like, what could you do in your trade craft if you didn't have the handcuffs of insurance and medical regulation? And that's the autism unbounded. That's the what if, that's the what's possible if you really just look at helping this group, this crowd, these parents holistically. And that's gonna be the focus of autism unbounded.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Yeah, and it's gonna be coming this spring, folks. We are really excited. More details are gonna come out. And you know, to that point, Nathan, I can't tell the company, I can't say the name of the insurance company, but guess who's actually really excited about this as well? No, insurance is insurance companies. They, which I thought that was interesting because I thought insurance are like, no, no, no, you have to do it this way. No, actually the opposite. They're looking for they're looking for solutions, new newer ways, newer approaches, and they're actually more forward-thinking than I thought. And so the more we're in this industry, the more I'm really happy with all the stakeholders. There's a lot of great people out here, and all they need is a vision and proven resources, and and showing like the model that we've created, and we can show them the results, they're right on board with us. So couldn't be couldn't be happier. So, all right, folks, let's get over to our father's days. So we we have we you guys are we're we're three good fathers here. Let's see how many how many kids do you have?

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Well, you win. I have three. I'm I'm the low man, not the totem.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

What do you have? 10, 15? What is it?

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Well, I have six, okay, but I always but I always say that my wife has seven.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

So Aaron, you and I combined have seven. So we're half the room, and Brad's the other half.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Yeah. So 14, including myself.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

Well, you have daughters. See, Nathan and I only have boys. So you are the unicorn in the room.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

They are a whole bundle of fun. Yes. I have a granddaughter. I love, I love my daughters. They are, they are, you know, it's funny because like I see my boy, and he's in he's a teenager, and he's like, What's up, dude? But then my teenage daughter, she always gives me a hug. I'm like, oh, thank you. That's always really, really nice. So let's talk about some family relationships real quick. Um, let's first start off with, I know guys don't like to talk about this, but I think it's really important to talk about men's health, right? So we always talk about co-regulation, right? How do we regulate ourselves before we can go out and regulate others, right? So, what do you guys do to give yourself your own like therapy regulation? Like, how do you guys take care of yourself so that you're always performing at your best?

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Mine is music, as I said. Uh, music is very therapeutic, it's just very calming. I do like television, but I like the same shows over and over again so that I can just think and process things. Um, and then just physical activity. Um, my wife and I are very close. So even this morning, it was a bike ride for coffee and just kind of being together, being outside. My my wonderful dogs, they're their therapy, even myself, they joke about it, why I started two new puppies, but uh, you know, just that time of caring for somebody else and then seeing their joy. So, you know, self-regulation comes by taking care of others, but also taking care of yourself. But that physical activity and then that opportunity to decompress is is vital.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

Okay. Nathan, what do you do?

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Yeah, well, I I I'm gonna take a step back, but I think the first step is recognizing that you are dysregulated or needing to regulate. As men, I I think uh it's very easy for us to just not accept that that's even a thing. Right? We're we're taught at a young age, right or wrong, you know, just work suck it up, work through it, whatever, and and we learn to bottle, hold up, and just trudge forward. And so why releases are you know, that would be great to talk about the releases, but I'd actually like to just take an introspective moment and it's okay to say I'm stressed. Um I I I am dysregulated. And we talk about dysregulation a lot with the autistic community. Everybody has a nervous system and everybody gets triggered. And being able to identify number one, that I am triggered, and then number two, what do I do in my triggered state? You know, we've talked about fight, flight, re uh flee, fawn, free. There's a whole bunch of different iterations of what you do when your nervous system is activated. Um, but understanding your response type will help you identify why you do certain things, maybe some of the conflicts you have, either with your children or with your spouse, um, frustrations at work. Like, like it's decoding yourself first, I think is bigger.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Which guys don't do. No. That's why I said like this is a kind of an unpopular topic, but a very popular topic that we need to talk about is how do you decode yourself? Like, how do you like women are so good of listening to themselves. Yep. We stink at it. Yeah. Because we like we just muscle through it.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Well, and that's that's been for me. Listen, I wasn't, I wasn't even a podcast listener before we started this, Brad. I think the very first podcast I listened to was our podcast. Um I've since I've since listened, started listening to a lot more.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

I'm glad you're our biggest fan.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

But I can tell you, every time we've had guests on that talk about body regulation and learning about your response types, um, we had a relationship coach on, and I'm listening to all this advice for our autistic population, right? And I'm finding myself going, wow, I need that. Well, I could benefit from that. And the truth is, as men, we are really good at being providers. Like we we like to, I think we mask as good as any autistic kid because we always put on the strong front. I've got things covered, I'm taking care of it. Like that's that's the role we take on. But if we are vulnerable enough to take that off and admit the times when we are stressed, when we are struggling, and ask ourselves the question how do I feel when I'm like that? Can I can I recognize it? And how do I act when it's there? Am I a fighter? Am I a fleer? And can I communicate that in a way that makes sense to my spouse, to my kids? Um, and then can I find those things, whether it's music or a TV show or a book or a walk or exercise that help me reset. Now I can take a proactive approach to my own health. But sometimes I think we feed the beast, right? We just go to the show, we listen to the music, and we don't ever tell anybody we're dysregulated. And our spouses are wondering, are you disconnected? Are you mad? But we don't communicate that. We just go to our cave, do our thing, and come out, all of a sudden we're great. And everybody around us is like, I don't get it. Do we have bear dad or happy dad? Or and and we don't talk because we go right back into masking again. So I think dads could learn a lesson from all of the nervous system and regulation topics we brought on for autistic kids. I think that would improve their overall health as well. So I sorry if I took a step backwards, but it it really is as important for us as as dads to learn these trades and tricks so that we can show up. And more importantly, you know, we call this the players' connection so that we can connect too. Um we I I think as much as an autistic population, I think dads are disconnected just as much. We we don't like to open, we don't like to share. But if we can drop those walls and learn to regulate, our relationship with our wives improve, our relationships with our kids, with our friends, our colleagues, our community. Um and that's something that I think would be uh it has been my biggest something I'm working on after all these episodes and and insights. And if I could share one thing, it's dad, stop masking, open up, be aware of who you are, what you need, um, and don't be afraid to admit those times when you don't have it all together, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

Well, and I bet you if we poll our audience, we we have more females listening to like more moms listening to our podcast than dads. And we would I would hope to switch switch that. That would be awesome if we could.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Yeah, ask your husbands to listen.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Well, and I think the best way to do that, because I know sometimes it's hard as a spouse, maybe if you just like drop a line, like you don't tell them to listen, you're like, Oh, hey, I just heard this really cool thing. I thought you would like it too. Like, just like a little subtlety. Um, you know, wives out there, I'll tell you one thing that my wife did to me that really, really helped, and she didn't even tell me, she just did it. So every time I come home, I don't know if you guys are like this, but when I come home, like you know, I work all day and you know it's intense, and we have a lot of things doing, a lot of demands, whatnot. And I feel like I have to like prepare myself to come home because I I don't want to be grumpy dad, right? I don't want to come in and like be bear dad. So, anyways, my so I would come home, and one thing my wife will do is she's like, Oh, I'm glad you're home. Why don't you why don't you go get yourself ready and then come out when you're ready? And so I'm like, Oh. So I go into my room, take a little shower, get redressed, you know, then I come back out and like I'm happy dad. Like it allows me to do, we talk about transitions all the time in autism. Well, I've never thought of that as a as being a you know, from my own personal transition to come home and like, okay, now I now I can be the Danny Tanner or or you know, the Mr. Rogers. Now I can, you know, put on my shoes and my coat and now I can be dad. You know, because all day long I'm you know, I'm boss guy, and now I have to come home and be dad. You know, so I thought that was that was a really any any error Aaron, you anything that you that your wife does to help you that um that you can think of?

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Uh, you know, she's my best friend, so it's just good. So we really are in lock and step. But I'll tell you, I'm at a different point in my life, you know, being a parent in those early days as I hear you two talk, um, give yourself grace. You know, when I was in the thick of it, my youngest son is 21 and they're in college. But I remember, and that's why I love what I do seeing the families in the eight-year-olds and the 10-year-olds and the 12s, and knowing all that it goes through. And, you know, I'm just in a different phase, but I love seeing family. I always say my job, I am a family man, and I've learned everything I I do from the moms and the fathers. I've watched experts in the field of parenting, and I've also learned what not to do because I've made lots of mistakes. See, I'm just the opposite of Nathan. There's no guessing on how I am so transparent that I can't, I couldn't hide it if I tried. I'm just a vocal person and I will tell you exactly whether it's right, wrong, or indifferent. But that's how I process. So that's that's the situation. So I think grace is a big one, you know, being able to identify, uh, acknowledge that mistakes are good. I always tell my families and my kids, you know, failure is an option. I had somebody say, Oh, you know, you you you must hate failure. And I'm like, Well, I embrace failure. It's not that I enjoy failure, but there's always an opportunity to learn. I mean, you when you do anything, you want to reflect on what happened and why. You know, making the same mistake could happen, but I want to make it a little bit better.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

So yeah. Well, and we can always go back to like, hey, I wish we could have done things a little bit better this way or that way. And like you said, give us, give, give you, give yourself some grace. Um, you know, do the best you can. One thing, you know, as a father, we have a lot of things to I hate to choose the word balance because I I really don't believe that. I don't really believe in that concept. And just like you just kind of go for it. But you know, Aaron, you have three kids, Nathan, you have four, I have six. How do you navigate with all the siblings, especially the neuro, I mean, Nathan, with you with your autistic boy, how do you navigate the siblings to get you know attention or their needs met as you're you know, as you're working with a neurotypical child? That's a neurodiversity.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Yeah, no, I that's a good question, and it's one that we're still exploring, if I'm gonna be honest. Um for a while, the truth was everybody in our family made sacrifices for our kid on the spectrum because the services and the time commitment for that just consumed everything. Uh, it's part of why we wanted to start Players Academy. We wanted to find that solution where we didn't have to go so many places, we can consolidate. Um, but parenting is still different. You know, it's hard to explain to one of my boys why I'm treating my oldest differently, why I'm rewarding differently, um, because they'd go, why don't I get that too? Oh, because you're not the same.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

You never built a school for me.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Yeah. You know, there's a the thing is I'd be willing to, but that's not what they need. There's a there's a saying, Brad, um, equal isn't fair, and fair isn't equal. And um one thing we've tried to teach my boys is they're and they're all different. You forget that I have one that's autistic. I've got another that's that's come he he's kind of gifted musically, but he's almost perfectionistic. And I have another that is almost like our our nerd, but he's a goofball. He's the most socially adept kid I've ever had. And then I've got my youngest caboose that is just like fun in the sun. Like he instead of having nightmares and crying, he sleep laughs, which is awesome. Uh and so they're they're all different. And forget that one's neurodiverse, they are all different. And learning to parent different, I think it makes it intentional. Um, it's really easy, I think, in today's society, to let community raise your kids. And what I mean by that is we have all these resources, we have social media and electronic tools and online, and so we we have we have are almost over-barraged with all these things our kids could be doing. And so it makes it really easy for us as parents to not be engaged. Well, they've got sports today, well, they've got the after school. And if you honestly ask yourself the question, when do I get to be dad? Or when do I get to be mom? And in those times I'm with my kids, what am I intentionally doing to further develop each of them individually? It's a lot of work. You know, my my wife, she's a stay-at-home mom, and that that's a a choice we we were able to make just because of our circumstance. But Brad, what she does is harder and I think more impactful and meaningful than anything I do outside the home. It is a non-stop, never-ending attempt of how do I keep raising, growing, cultivating. Um and I think that to answer your original question, what do you do when you have kids that are typical versus neurodiverse? I think open communication is good. Um, I think telling them the reason why you're doing things is important. Uh, as parents, it's really easy when a kid says, I want this, and we say no. Why? Because I said so. I think because I said so is the worst answer we could ever give. And if we can be honest and explain our reasoning and let them know our intentions as parents, then they grow up understanding differences, they grow up appreciating them. And I think over time it helps them feel more seen and more understood. Because if I just parent them all the same, then none of them are unique, right? So it also helps them know mom and dad see me, they understand me, um, and they they then felt feel more understood if I'm telling them I'm doing this for this reason that's particular to them.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

Yeah. Aaron, what do you do with all with uh kind of the to Nathan's point? What do you what do you do with all your with your kids so you don't feel like I guess some type of balance again? I hate to use that word balance, but how do you do that with with siblings?

SPEAKER_00 42:42

Well, and I'm yeah, he's just got me thinking a lot, but I don't have a neurodivergence student, but my trauma in my life has been cancer. I've gone through it twice with my oldest son getting diagnosed and my granddaughter. And so I can relate to a lot of those aspects when so much attention is given to a child or a sibling because of a traumatic situation they're going through. You know, it's tough. So you have to balance that and you have to take down the barriers. I think just that quality time is how we've managed that. And then to watch my son watch him work with his daughter that went through cancer is, and I've learned this from fathers is and and mothers, you know, that mother or daddy date, you know, they it's always important just to go spend some quality time. You know, I masked a lot and we did a lot of sports, but that ride to Peoria for an hour and a half or to San Diego, or it was a great time. Now, they still give me grief about, oh gosh, dad's pissed off because I didn't strike out all three guys in the ending, you know, the moment of silence for an hour, but the fond memories that they have of just being alone together. Because when you're in a car together, we've learned a lot about each other. And and going through something as traumatic as cancer is I learned to quit mask and saying everything is going to be okay because sometimes it's just not. And learning to listen to my son, I when he was in the middle. Of a three-year treatment, and and I thought, Oh, you'll you'll get through this, everything will be fine. And he's like, Dad, it's not okay. And I said, You know what? You're right. And he goes, Can you just listen and not have an answer to everything? And I'm like, oh. And so I had to learn how to listen and not always solve because as adults, we feel like we have to have the answers. And sometimes we don't. And sometimes yeah, and sometimes it's just prayer, faith, and listening and just being that person. Because sometimes life does suck. And so you have to embrace the suck. And then once you get through that, then that's where the beauty. So you have to find that beauty. But there are days, it's just tough.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

Yeah, it is tough. And I think just you know, on my personal experience with my kids, is there really isn't it's hard to do balance because sometimes you connect with one kid over another one. And you so I just try to identify that. I'm like, wow, I am spending a little bit more time with this child, maybe let me spend some more time with my daughter. You know, let me, she loves doing flips, and I and I'm and I think it's cool. It's just not really my jam, but it's her jam. And so I'll just try to just be with her as she's doing it. And I think as a father, we think of the word sacrifice, which is your time, energy, and your talent, and that's what you gotta do for your kids. And you know, you don't have to I I love how you said listen. Think about just you know, our near our our our uh autistic friends out there. How many times do we hear that? Just play with them, just listen, just be there, just being present. I think just show them that show them that you care.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Well, and I Legos are I love Legos, and I always loved when I always say, okay, the kids can do it. And we as adults are the worst because we want to, oh no, no, that block goes here. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. That block cannot go there. And that doesn't mean that I'm soft on them because when it falls apart, I'm gonna be like, it's okay. Sometimes things don't go as planned. And so we we need to allow for that opportunity to discover for ourselves. It's the old adage of, you know, you can tell them that the stove is hot, but sometimes they gotta touch it. And you know, I don't want you to, and I can tell you no, but they're gonna figure it out one way or the other. And so, yeah, allowing our kids to talk about it and then and be safe, that felt safety.

SPEAKER_02 46:08

So, Father Day traditions. What do you guys like to do for Father's Day? What is your go-to traditions?

SPEAKER_00 46:15

Wow. I'd just be with family. Mine's boring.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

Mine's simple. Everything meat. There could be no vegetables. I'm in on that. It's it's all meat, no vegetables. What's your favorite meat? All of it.

SPEAKER_00 46:35

Brisket, steak, burger, sausage, natural. Yes. Okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

Yes. So I mean, there I I welcome it all. You, Nathan, anyway.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

I I can't say we have any formal tradition, you know, and I think I think my wife hates it every year when she asks, What do you want? Because I'm the guy that says, I don't know, whatever. Yeah. I I'm a I'm a gift giver. I love to gift gifts. I never ask for them. And so that maybe I don't know if that's a flaw or not, but um I just like to spend time with family. I I I like good food, I like quiet time, watch a show, and I'm I'm good to go.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

Yeah. Well, guys, thank you so much for being uh for being here. Uh folks, thank you for making us part of your day. Please don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a conversation that inspires connection. Wanted to have a special thanks to our producer Jesse Palmer and our marketing director, Gallan Davis. Until next time, happy Father's Day, and let's do some good.