Learn How a Disney Princess Made Songs For The Spectrum: With Emily Moffat

In this episode of "The Polaris Connection," hosts Brad Broyles and Nathan Palmer welcome Emily Moffat, a talented singer known for her work as a Disney princess voice. The discussion centers around Emily's journey with her son Jasper, who was diagnosed with autism. Emily shares how music became a powerful tool in helping Jasper navigate daily challenges, such as getting dressed and haircuts, by creating songs tailored to his needs.

Emily's "Songs for the Spectrum" album and YouTube channel, "Sunny Songs," aim to provide comfort and guidance to children on the autism spectrum through music. The conversation also touches on the emotional journey of parenting a child with special needs, emphasizing the importance of finding joy and connection in everyday moments.

This episode resonates emotionally by highlighting the transformative power of music and the shared experiences of parents navigating the challenges of raising children with special needs.

We want to hear from you! Follow us and leave a comment on our Instagram at ThePolarisConnection or reach us at Info@PolarisAcademy.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I would say, you know, children love connection. They love connection. They love attention from their parents. So I think that it doesn't really matter to a child how well you sing. If they have a mom or a dad that sings to them, that is a total gift. It's a total gift.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Blairs Connection, your podcast that connects parents of autistic children with industry experts. I am your host, Brad Broils, and I'm here with my wise, playful Lion King Rafiki, Nathan Palmer.

SPEAKER_04 0:46

Okay. For those listening, if this is your first exposure to the player's connection, I never know how I'm going to be introduced on this thing. And so I I this one I'm a little torn because I love Lion King and music, but Rafiki's a little crazy and he's kind of old. And I'm not quite he's wise. All right. He's like the Gandalf.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

In a weird way, but okay, you're the Gandalf then. The Gandalf co-host, Nathan Palmer.

SPEAKER_04 1:11

Thank you for letting me have my grip moment. I'm I'm actually most excited because today we get to talk about a passion of mine. It's music, and we have somebody on with us that is not crazy or old, but has done something wise and I think just incredibly creative in that space.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Well, not every day do we get to interview a legit Disney princess, but we are today, Miss Emily Moffitt. Welcome to the Polaris Connection.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Thank you. Wow, you are so kind. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

Spoken like a true princess. I think that was the most gracious like thank you we've ever had.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

That was. Well, and and all day today I've been singing all my favorite Disney songs. I told my kids, hey guys, I am going to interview a dinner a Disney princess. So Emily, do you mind if we go a little bit of why we call you the Disney princess?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Yes, yes, of course.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

So so Emily, you have an extensive singing background, including singing as Cinderella for Disney. Is that correct? Correct. Yes, I know. So it we you're featured in multiple theme parks as uh like in Once Upon a Time, Spectacular at Walt Disney World and Tokyo Disney. Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Yeah, I know. Crazy, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:28

That is awesome. And then also I read that you performed Disney Jr. Live and also as the popular series in Sophia the First.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Yeah, so they had a they had a live Disney touring show, and the they have this beautiful, beautiful song that Cinderella sang with Sophia. And so that was my voice in um in that production.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

That's awesome. And then also you are on you're on a Disney Cinderella themed toys with Montel with Mattel and Fisher Price. Is that right?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Yes, correct. Yeah. And actually the the they did a Disney 75th anniversary doll of Cinderella in her pink dress, and that's my voice too in that one.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

So cool. Now, listen, I have I have four boys at home, and so I've never been exposed to this whole, you know, Disney princess idea, but I I have to imagine in this world, like girls grow up wanting to be or identify with their favorite Disney princess. You actually did it, but I'm curious, was Cinderella like your identified princess, or was there another one that you wished you could have been?

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Oh, that's a great question. Um, I mean, I I'd have taken any. Uh, it it's still to me completely unbelievable that I've been given this opportunity. How many people can say that they got to have something like this happen? So that's a great question. What's interesting is actually in the corner of my room here, there is a beautiful porcelain doll that is from my grandmother, and it was her prized porcelain doll, and it was a Cinderella doll. And she told me growing up, she's like, You're my first blonde granddaughter. So when I'm gone, you get that doll. And so there were pieces of it throughout my life where I think Cinderella kind of had special meaning. But I think that dreaming that I would ever get to voice any semblance of a Disney character was far beyond what even I could have dreamed as a child with a wild imagination.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Wow. Well, and then and then also you've done a lot of exciting things post-being your glass slipper duties. You've also performed for The Lamb of God as Mary Magdalene with Rob Gardner. Um isn't Rob, I I've worked with him before. How was working with Rob Gardner with The Lamb of God?

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Oh, listen, I think Rob Gardner is a genius. I think he's got an exceptional musical talent. And he's chosen to use it to tell the story of Christ in many different ways. And I think that that's really, really incredible. So to be perfectly honest, he's a he's a big inspiration for me. He is somebody that has taken his dreams and his talent and has just driven himself and others along with him to be the best they can, to go further than they thought they could. And everything that he's a part of, I think is is really, really amazing. So from an artistic standpoint, I view him as a personal inspiration, and then also with what he's chosen to do with his talent.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

That's awesome. Yeah, he he he he's a benefit to so many people, and I love hearing his music, and that's awesome that you're a part of it. Now, another part, Nathan, is that Emily has what's called the Sunny Songs by Emily Moffitt. It's with songs, it's with an album on a YouTube channel that everybody can go to, Songs for the Spectrum.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

And I would really like to get into that and your inspiration, but first, tell us a little bit about your journey with autism. I believe your son Jasper was diagnosed. When did you first notice that music connected with your son in a different way? And those, and what was those moments like?

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Oh, that's a good question. So my son was uh about two and a half when he was diagnosed, and he was diagnosed with level one autism. So it was, I think shortly after that, we were there were certain things that were really difficult for him, and they were daily tasks. I think this is common, but you know, getting him dressed in the morning, getting in his car seat, brushing his teeth, changing his clothes were it was really, really, really hard. Getting dressed in his Sunday clothes was particularly difficult. And we started noticing that certain children's songs, we would play certain children's songs for him, and what took 45 minutes to get him dressed for Sunday in his clothes would take only the amount of time that a preferred song would be. So, for example, one song that he really, really loved was Charlotte Diamond, Slippery Fish. Excuse me if you're familiar, Slippery Fish, Slippery Fish sliding through the water. I don't know if I'm allowed to sing it.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

But anyway, she definitely I was I was gonna have like an internal bet if I could get you to sing on the podcast. I'm hoping we do it more frequently as we go through.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

So I hope she doesn't mind me singing her song. But she anyway, and she does such a fantastic performance in that that you know, gook, gook, like all these fun little moments and sounds in it too. And anyway, he would just listen to that song and zone out, and we could do whatever we needed to with him. If it was brushing his teeth or getting him dressed or whatever it was, like it just took him to a happy place, you know. So then we thought, okay, well, it seems like music really helps him. And so then I started looking at specific, looking songs about specific things. Like another big challenge for us was haircuts. So then I'm like, I wonder if there's a song about haircuts that can like explain, you know, what to expect in a haircut. And same thing even with potty training. There were some potty training songs out there, but not that were very specific or that dealt with real terms or things that I knew my son needed to help him. And so I started writing those songs, um, the ones that my son specifically needed. And then we just kept going and going. Every time we we met another brick wall, it was like, well, let's write a song for it. And so um, that's how the songs for the spectrum album came out. And then we branched that out into the Sunny Songs YouTube channel to give kids a visual with it too, because lots of kids on the spectrum are visual. I thought those would help.

SPEAKER_04 8:51

So you're you're talking about some things, Emily, that are close to my heart because you know, I any any parent that hasn't had a kid on the spectrum, my oldest is on the spectrum, and when you say haircuts, I I've got these traumatic memories of simple haircuts to the point that a neighbor like almost called child protective services on us because we were just trying to cut our kids' hair.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:16

And other parents are like, what are you talking about? It's just it's a haircut. But yeah, I mean, I mean, this is these are real struggles.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:23

And I love the idea that music somehow helps. And I and I have some questions around that. Like, what it what did that song do for your child and how did that help with the experience? Because for me, I mean, I don't know. One, I don't know how to sing a haircut song. Uh but two, I'm just curious how that changed the dynamic, if you could speak a little bit more to that.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Yeah. So one of the things that they had instructed us at the time, right, was to do picture schedules. So we would have kind of a flip chart. So I made him like a flip chart with pictures of himself, getting his haircut, going to the salon, sitting in the chair, putting the cape on, all those things. Because when you think about it, and especially knowing what you know now as a parent of a child with autism, that is a really intense sensory experience. There's a lot going on. It is wet, it is buzzing, it is like it is a lot going on. So with the flip chart, I just started thinking, well, if same thing, if he loves music and and they're one of the best pieces of advice at the time to prepare kids for difficult things was to build a social story around him. And so we had that with the flip chart, but then I thought, well, can we make a haircut song that is a social story? Can we build the social story with music? And so that's what we did with a song. Um like in the first verse, it goes, I sit in a special chair. She puts a cape around my neck, she sprays some water in my hair. Ooh, it feels kind of wet, you know? So it kind of just walks him through like the whole process. We talk about the clippers go buzz, buzz, buzz, buzzy, and my hair feels fuzz, buzz, fuzz, fuzzy, but we do it because, cuz, cuz, cuz we need a haircut. We need a haircut. That's my husband on the on the track. Anyway, so just walking him through that. Um, so the nice thing about music is that it's not intrusive. You can just play it in the background. It can sort of be a subconscious way of helping put important messages in a child's mind. So we would play it on the way to the salon. We would tell them, hey, we're having a haircut, and the whole song, you just play it, you know, in the car on the way, and it walks you through and helps your child walk through everything they're going to do. So, yeah, that was the thought behind that.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Well, and for all those who are listening, we would love to hear from you. Like, tell us some songs that you might use to help your child perform any specific tasks, either from haircutting, brushing your teeth, you know, getting dressed in the morning. We would love to hear from you. So please, you know, please comment and let us know what you do. Emily, I'm curious if as you're doing these songs, do you ever get to like like he is singing the song during the haircut and he's not able to like sit still? Do you ever run run into that?

SPEAKER_01 12:20

You know what? He uh he would take them in, but he wouldn't sing along during the haircuts. I think it was for a long time just kind of getting through. And it's interesting because, you know, these songs were kind of were were growing at the same time that we were going through these challenges. And sometimes by the time the song was fully produced and done, we were on to the next challenge, you know. So it was sort of they were sort of happing happening simultaneously with his challenges. But what's interesting is, for example, I wrote um, I wrote a song, I started a song for him about going to the dentist. Similar idea, kind of walking, walking a child through why we need to go to the dentist, some of the sounds you might experience, the click-clack, tippity-tap, you know, kind of things. And I even have a drill sound in the background in the songs, in the chorus, because again, just that like introducing that little exposure repeatedly but in a safe place, you know.

SPEAKER_04 13:27

It's like a it's like a nervous system hack.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 13:30

You know, I mean, it's and it's just just if I could give a visual for everybody listening, and for parents that have experienced this, you know, um the oh my gosh, the dentist. You know, it's I I picked there there's a I don't know if it's still running, but there was a show called Fear Factor with Joe Rogan. And you know, they would they would basically progressively put people in these more and more uncomfortable situations, pushing the limits. And when somebody like loses it, right, what what you're what you're seeing is okay, their nervous system has taken over, fear is in full, they're in full fight or flight, they're shut down, they're reactive. And that is the experience for a child in autism with the haircut or with the dentist. You know, we were in full sedation dentistry for my son, and it was so hard having to like gas him just to get his teeth checked, you know? Yeah. And so the idea that you can now take this sensory input for song and w which calms the nervous system, which helps us to regulate and pair that with the event, it's like you've you're you're still gonna have this message of I'm in the box with these bugs, but while it's happening, I'm hearing the song, It's a Small World After All. And so I've got these two competing things. And so it just helps to settle down the discomfort. It doesn't change the fact you're still in the box with the bugs, right? But to the degree you can, you are impacting the environment in such a way that it calms, it helps to regulate, and it gives them this resource just to push through. I I love it.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Right. Yeah, so with the with the going to the dentist song, um, I started writing it for my son, but all I had for years was tick-tap, quickity-clack, those teeth, they're really taking a bath. It's time to get them swish spits, quickity clean, get that smile shining brighter than you ever seen. And that's all I had for years. That's the chorus. But um, it was interesting because actually for my fourth child, she had a really hard time at the dentist. And so I finished the song for her. And so it's interesting now that the album is out and all of the songs are produced. My my four-year-old daughter, my seven-year-old, is the one that is like the biggest, sweetest little champion of these songs. She is telling everybody, like, my mom's got books out, my mom's got songs. And she's like this morning before school was playing one of the songs downstairs. Like, so that's been that's been really touching to see that. And my son, as he's gotten older, I remember one Mother's Day had said, you know, they at church, they'd said, you know, you write down some ways that you know your mom loves you. And like in the top three was my mom writes songs for me. So that was that was huge. Yeah. But you know, Nathan, to your point too, about trying to pair the comfortable with the uncomfortable. Um, and I feel like even the phrase uncomfortable doesn't do it justice. It can be, I think, excruciating at times for these kids. But for me, you know, having not experienced a meltdown, I think some of the things I see on my son remind me a little bit of what it was like for me in labor. Um, and I had four unmedicated births, and so I got to experience the full, full child labor.

SPEAKER_04 16:39

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

No, no, no. You know what? It I actually chose it. I actually chose it. I I was nervous about the big old needle with the epidural and um decided to to see how far I could go and was able to to have all four children that way. And actually, it was an incredible experience. It really was. But um, you know, in those times when it was so, so difficult during the contractions, I remember feeling like I need the lights off. I can't have anybody talking. I cannot process from a sensory standpoint any more input beyond this pain. And so again, you know, having a child who has that kind of intense sensory overload at times, I'm grateful to have some kind of reference point in my life for what that might feel like for them. And, you know, my sweet sister, um, when I had my first child, gave me these really soft slipper socks. And I remember when I was in so, so, so much pain in those contractions, I tried to put my energy on my feet because my feet felt really good. My feet were really, really comfortable. And it, everything else hurt so bad, but my feet felt good. And so I think to your point, Nathan, about trying to, you know, like you say, pairing it's a small world with this really difficult experience. Like there's something really to that. I can't take myself completely out of the pain, but can I soften it? Can I pair it with something that does bring comfort and joy?

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Yeah. And you know, you you touched on something that um we had hit on in a in a different podcast episode where one of our guests said there's a, I think it was with with Carrie Cariolo, and she says there's a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:31

One one is one is choice driven, it's behavior driven, and the other is nervous system based. Where voluntary exactly. And that's something, and I I I hope I don't want to overdo it, but this is a message I want there to be out there because there are two systems at play. There's your conscious brain system, and then there's your body nervous system. And they both talk, and communication can go both ways. And so when we're shut down, our nervous system has hijacked our brain, it's going backwards. Right. And so to have a strategy to introduce things that reduce that stress that move us out of the fight or flight. And and you can never change look, the the experience is the experience. No, no matter what, and and I I wish I had accepted this earlier as a dad, they're always going to be in a box with the bugs, right? The experience is always going to be extreme.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

And that like kills me because there's so many aspects you just wish you could take away. And but when you shift it and go instead of reinforcing now, I'm triggered because you're triggered. Right. I can be grounded and say, let me introduce this aspect that just helps your experience. It it uh it makes me feel more empowered where before I think I was just helpless.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

And so I I I love that you took your talents and found a way to body hack right the nervous experience and just soften it in a very simple way. Now, and I love that you made it available, right? Because I'm never gonna be able to Emily, I'm not even gonna try to sing what you sing.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Uh we just want more of it. That's all we want.

SPEAKER_04 20:05

But knowing it's there, knowing it's there, and I can pull these kinds of things, that that is so helpful.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

I'm I'm curious, Emily. I I wanted to know. I when you write music and when you produce and you throw it out there in the world, you kind of don't know what's gonna hit and what's not gonna hit. Like you're like, hey, I know what sounds good to me, but I'm not sure what the audience wants. Is there a song that you have in the Songs of the Spectrum album that you're like, wow, a lot of people like this, and I didn't know everybody liked this one song or feature. And if you can sing that part, I would love to, I would love to know.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Oh, you're so sweet. Well, that's a good question. You know, it was wonderful is like as we were watching, you know, drop the music and then watching, like, there were different songs that kept coming up to the top as the most listened. And as I would talk to people, I didn't what was wonderful is that I heard a lot of different favorite songs from people, which was a real joy. You don't want to release 21 songs and have people be like, yeah, 20 were a bust, but this one was okay, you know? So I was I was delighted to hear that different songs were resonating with people. Um, one of the songs that I've heard is a favorite is um fruits and vegetables. And this was, I wrote this song because my son has food aversions, right? And so fruits and vegetables can be an extra challenge because the taste and the texture and the bitterness or the sweetness can vary from one blueberry to the next blueberry. And and yet they're such a crucial part of a healthy diet. And so I was, I would just remember walking into Costco one day, and this thought came to me that for this song. So this one same thing too. I wanted to um address a lot of the different sensory words to describe the foods, and then also lots of different ways you could explore these foods with your mouth. You could munch them, crunch them, what is it? Um Squish, snap, crunch, crunch, chomp, nibble for lunch, sniff, chew, bite, bite, fix me up an appetite. And so that kind of runs along with this, with this other portion that says, um, you know, some are red and some are green, some are closer to aquamarine. But the greatest thing your tummy's seen are fruits and vegetables. And then I just go, pears and berries, make a juicy treat. Peaches and melons are so sweet. Green beans, peppers, and broccoli. If you're craving something savory, eat them hot or eat them cold, raw or roasted in a plate or bowl. But the greatest thing your tummy seen are fruits and vegetables. You know, so kind of running through a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 22:50

You're so sweet. That was so good.

SPEAKER_01 22:53

You're so kind. So that that one's been a favorite. And then another one was Purple Monsters. And it's funny because it's like that song is a little bit scary or can be a little bit scary for super young kids. And but we wrote it about facing your fears. And so we wanted to kind of lean in a little bit to those things that might feel scary, like purple monsters, you know. But again, working through a lot of sensory words in that song too, and just about facing those, facing those fears.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

So well, before the podcast, we we had your album out and we were listening to all the songs, and that purple monster was my favorite. I love that one. Was it? Oh, that's so great.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Yeah, it's funny because my, like I say, my seven-year-old daughter at the beginning was like, oh, I don't like that one. And now she's like, write the book, mom, write the book for that one. So it's become a favorite.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Well, and before music became part of your routine, what were the biggest challenges that you were facing at home with with Jasper? I know we're kind of switching gears a little bit, but what was the biggest challenge before music became part of your routine?

SPEAKER_01 23:58

So I've named some. The haircuts were super hard. Thankfully, those were not very frequent. The daily hygiene tasks were a challenge. And then potty training was also a big one for us. Um, another one that he had was um that took a long time. Actually, haven't written a song about this one, but was swimming too. That also took a lot of years to even get him to the point where he would be near a pool. He was so nervous. But then, I mean, and this is the incredible thing about these kids, even with all of their challenges, even with all of the difficulties they face. I mean, my son now is a beautiful swimmer. I know that sounds crazy to say, but he has got like a, he's got those broad shoulders, a long torso. I mean, he's got a swimmer's body, and he just looks like he belongs in that water of freestyling. And um, and it's just a miracle to see the the growth and progress these kids make. They are so strong.

SPEAKER_04 24:57

You know, Emily, I'm I'm listening and uh I'm just like smiling inside for two reasons. One, it is so um, I I don't know what it is about hearing another parent that has your story that's just calming. Because every every time you're like the dentist, the hair, the the the why I mean, I'm like, yeah, oh yeah, and the potty, oh yeah, that's right. Like I halfway I've got this PTSD because I'm remembering, but it is so and that's why I love I think I love the player's connection. It is so reinforcing to know I'm not the only one. Um and it's it's great to hear new perspectives on how you faced and confronted that. And and I'm I'm I'm for as much as I know every parent listening that has some of these are gonna go, great, let me try some of Emily's songs. And they may work, they may not, right? Every every child's a little bit different. But if nothing else, that we're just giving a little snippet of hope that you don't have to be powerless, that there are ways to connect, that's that's huge. And underneath it all, you know, my son, he has a you know, music is not quite the same for him. In fact, his music style is more like this rap hip-hop. And so for a really young age, he's like in cars listening to these beast, you know, these bass beat drops, and just I mean, nothing that I ever listen to or my wife listens to, but he just loves to jam with the music. Um so if you ever come out with the rap version, please let me know.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Um bring out some different genres. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:25

Some reggae. But but it's inspired me to consider well, what are his interests and how can I bring I it really is kind of that play mentality. How can I soften the environment? And like I've got other boys that I've got one that's just deathly afraid of the dark. And so just turning a light switch on, all of a sudden the environment is less triggering. And I think that theory plays through. You know, we had a guest on talking about how autistic behaviors are really just human behaviors but amplified. And so these sensory fears of your environment, they're not new. We we have them too. There's things that we don't like about certain environments. And so just considering and asking the question, how do I change this environment? How do I upgrade the experience, whether it's music or whether it's play, means so much. And, you know, I think as parents, I would go into the haircut, I think, with as much fear as my son did. Because I already was pre you know, thinking about the experience and um, you know, music and and just behavior and emotion, it it reflects whether we say the words or not. And I think we unintentionally add weight to their experience because we're carrying our own baggage into it. Um to to your, I guess, credit, looking for a way to keep brightness, to keep hope, play, whether that's music or touch or lighting or just calm words, in whatever way we can communicate it, that helps to, for lack of a better description, turn the lights on for them, make the environment calmer to give them the best chance to push through it. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

I I keep thinking about this as you're talking about this. There's a little line in the going to the dentist song, too, where I talk about um tapping beats on your teeth like a drumline, fluoride and floss, dance along on your gum line, you know. So just trying to give like a little bit of reframing because to be honest, I mean, I don't think most people love a dentist visit. I don't love it either. I have to kind of breathe through myself. So so it again, it's just sort of softening. It's like, yeah, they're gonna be, they're gonna be, they're gonna be tapping and hacking in your mouth a little bit, but can we call it a drum line? And can we, you know, make the fluoride and floss dance along your mouth and try to reframe some of it. Um and just like you say, kind of soften it a little bit there. But yeah, it's it can be, like you say, a real thing both sides. Uh you experience it as a parent and you experience it with your child, and it's it can be it can be challenging for sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Well, and what it you know, a lot of people would love to have the musical talent that you do. What would you tell the parents that want to have music as a routine in their child's life? You know, maybe they can't keep a note like you do, but what would you recommend? What's some advice would you give them to somebody that wants to try and but is kind of starting on ground zero?

SPEAKER_01 29:24

I would say, you know, children love connection. They love connection, they love attention from their parents. So I think that it doesn't really matter to a child how well you sing. If they have a mom or a dad that sings to them, that is a total gift. It's a total gift. And if you don't feel comfortable singing, you know, my husband, like I say, these guitars in the back are my husband. So he'll he'll play the guitar for them. I think the the effort is more important than necessarily the end result, if that makes sense. And, you know, I think um when you were saying this, Nathan, you know, your son responds to different kinds of music, right? Or or different kids might respond differently. You know, I wrote these songs, trying to write them in the style of the of the music my son responded to the most. But the other great thing about music or even trying it, right? Like you say, just trying, try play, trying playing some of it, trying to sing some special songs to your to your kid, is that music is free. You know, the the songs on the album, the YouTube channel, it's free. And there are no side effects. So your your investment is zero. If it doesn't work, you'll probably know immediately. Your child will probably let you know immediately. Turn that off. I don't like it. And you're not out anything, you know. But the other thing about some of these songs that I was really grateful for, and um I you guys know I'm a person of faith, right? I felt like God helped send these songs, helped send the words to these songs. And, you know, there's one song, for example, uh, is about transitions. And my son loved trains at the time. And I think this is the perfect metaphor from going one from one thing to the next, right? And there's a little line in that song uh that goes, um, we can always circle back, but now we gotta keep on track. It's just the smallest little line. But I think that kind of thing is so helpful. So even if your child doesn't love the music, like there are portions and lyrics in some of these songs that can use a parent can use as a script for their child in the moment, you know, just that little bit, you know, singing to your kid, we can always circle back, but now we gotta keep on track. Like just it doesn't matter how well you sing.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

I'm gonna use that in my own life. I'm like, okay, I gotta circle back and get back on track.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I think any any effort made in love matters to a child.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

So I'm gonna shift a little bit, and I I don't mean to make it heavy, but I just want to recognize the reality. So, Emily, you're listening you are like this glowing example of every girl's dream. I wanted to be a Disney princess, and I became a Disney princess, and I have the voice of a Disney princess, and I can sing to my child like a Disney princess. And I I can't help but think there's a mom listening out there right now that says, That's not me. And I didn't get the fairy tale. And of course, she's got that talent, but what do I have to bring to it? There, there's listen, we are we're all guilty of self-defeating thoughts. Um and I kind of just want to switch the dialogue just a little bit because I don't want to tell a story in such a way that we go, here's this glowing example, and don't you now all wish you could be like Miss Emily Moffat and you're not. And so we walk away going, well, good for her, but I'm not that. Um I think the a big takeaway as I'm listening is really just that our kids need our kids need us to be there in a positive way. Uh there is so much weight with special needs. There can be let me let me reframe that. There can be so much weight and burden in thinking that you have to solve the problem of special needs. And the truth is there's a lot of beauty and joy in it. And what you did, Emily, is you had a talent and a joy around music and song, and you brought that to the table. Every parent out there has something that brings them happiness and joy. Everybody does. And if you can't think of it for a moment, I I guess the challenge I would say is find that within yourself first. Find that place of joy, that place of peace. And whatever that experience is, now game that. How do I bring this to my child? How do I bring this to their world and their environment? And that will connect to them in a way that is that is genuine and it will help reframe yourself first so that when you're taking your world and you're combining it with theirs, you're not adding that weight on top, which is something that I don't think we ever mean to do. But it's hard, even when we try to mask, right? And and autism is famous for masking, but we do it too. We try to hide this experience. And to your point of reframing, right, adding a different meaning, even with those simple words. If we can reframe that, listen, I accept that my child's experience is different, but if I can introduce joy, if I can introduce common peace, and to do that, I mean I need to find that with me first. And that's my charge. How do I bring that to their world? It doesn't matter whether it's song or play or Lego building or book reading or painting or whatever. Whatever's your jam, the secret sauce is not that, hey, there's music, and now if this YouTube channel doesn't work for you, sorry, you're just out of luck. The secret sauce is I found my place of calm and solace and joy, and I brought that world to my child in a fun way. That's the charge. And any parent listening can do that.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Yes, absolutely. I I want to say, you know, my son was diagnosed how many years ago? 12 years ago now. And the beginning of this journey for me, and I mean, into the first couple of years of it was one of the darkest periods of my life. Writing these happy songs came at one of the darkest times of my life. And as I say that, it was also one of the most beautiful and special times of my life because I had two beautiful boys, two beautiful, wonderful miracles from heaven. I had a third daughter in that mix. And that whole first year, I was diapering three kids. Um and it was, it was chaos and it was mayhem, and you get all the regular toddler nonsense and illnesses and all of that junk, and then that additional layer of special needs. And like you've described, Nathan, I mean very even for level one autism, right? Even with a mild case, I mean significant severe behavioral issues and aggression. And it was extremely isolating for both of us. Um so I I don't want to be dismissive, like you say, of those times that feel very, very heavy. And for those seasons of life that parents go through where they're in the middle of that, there were, I don't think I even fully realized like how dark a time it was for me until I came out of it. Um, but going back, I remember, I mean, I was I was desperate. I felt desperate for help and desperate to let people know how badly I needed help. Um and it's not that anyone could fix it. They couldn't, right? Um, and it's not about it being fixed, but it's about feeling seen and supported and just less alone. And I have to say, I think it's one of the beautiful, beautiful things about what you guys have created, both with this uh Polaris Academy and with the podcast. The time my son was diagnosed, podcasts were not really a thing yet. But even just with a few episodes of your podcast, there is a wealth of information that parents can glean who are facing those that time of early diagnosis when it feels just overwhelming. I felt like I was thrown out in the middle of an ocean with the tiniest little life preserver. And like, okay, I'll I'll tell you this. At the time my son was diagnosed, something people sent me a lot was that beautiful, well-meaning poem, Welcome to Holland. Have you heard of this one?

SPEAKER_04 37:51

No.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

Okay. I got it sent like 25 times. Okay. I'm so many times. And like I say, anything people do in love is appreciated. I want to say that. Like, please don't be scared to talk to your friends who have kids on the spectrum because you're afraid of saying the wrong thing. You're probably gonna step in it and it's okay. Just, you know, they need they need the community and they need the love. And um so just that's that's one thing. But I I get I got sent this beautiful poem about welcome to Holland. And this woman describes, describes it with her child with special needs about how before she found out, or before she had this child with special needs, she's she's expecting a baby. She's going on a trip to Italy and cannot wait to go on this trip to Italy. She's so excited, so excited. And then the baby comes, the baby has special needs, and they're like, Welcome to Holland. She's like, but I was going, I was going to Italy, and they're like, Welcome to Holland, you know? And this idea where she said it wasn't the trip that I had planned, but Holland is totally beautiful and it's amazing. Now it is a beautiful poem, and I completely stand by everything that she said. The problem was, is I was at the beginning of my journey in autism. And the Welcome to Holland poem is by someone who's in the acceptance phase of grief. And I was not there yet.

SPEAKER_04 39:15

All you see in the beginning is you mean I never get to go to Italy.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

You mean I never get to go to Italy? Yeah. I'm never gonna go there. And I'm supposed to immediately be okay with that. Everyone else, everyone else on the boat. I just that's I've just left them all, and I'm now in the middle of the ocean with a life preserver, gonna land in Holland someday. Like that's gonna be great. But right now I'm in the middle of the ocean, you know? So, um, like I say, beautiful poem, totally stand by exactly everything that she's saying. But it's it's what you say. There's that, there's that dark time in the middle of the ocean where you don't know how to swim. Um, and that is that is a hard, hard time to go through. But little by little, you do learn how to swim. And you you do get to Holland and and it's fantastic. And that's not to say that you don't still get to experience some of Italy too.

SPEAKER_04 40:07

Yeah. You know, I'm uh sorry, I'm I'm listening to what she I'm listening to what you're saying, and I think our natural tendency as observers, as friends, is we want to pull people out of the ocean. We want to shortcut their grief because we don't like seeing them unhappy. That that's just that's just natural human nature. But you know, what makes a story meaningful, I'm gonna use a Disney princess story. What makes the story impactful isn't that they started as a princess and they ended as a princess. What makes it impactful is the journey. That there that there was struggle, that they went through it, that they overcame, that they were stronger at the end, and that's what makes the story beautiful, and that's what gives it purpose, and that's what makes you enjoy being in Holland. But up front, yeah, the realization I'm never going to Italy, it it's hard. And if I could say something to parents, it would be don't feel ashamed to grieve even the most selfish things that you have. It's okay to to process the grief of that will no longer be my life. And that's totally normal and it's natural. And if you shortcut it, it's always going to come up again and again because you have to move through that process to really get to the end of the story. So I I'm just I'm listening to you, and yeah, the the journey is as important as the destination, if not more so, because it's defining your destination. And you're never, you should never be expected to be okay with Holland on day one. Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:39

Yes, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:40

And and you have every right to have your sob story and your moment of grief of I'm not going to Italy, and that's okay too. And in doing that, and then just finding that core center, okay, I'm here now. Now what do I do with it? And the support around you going, not just reinforcing, hey, Holland's great. Well, I don't need to hear Holland's great yet. I need some connection with you know where I'm at. It's hard. It's okay that it's hard. Um, maybe I'll get to Holland, but right now, just knowing that you've got my back, that we're here, that we're here together. We've all been on this derail together, we're all in the same place together. That I think speaks volumes as we navigate the journey. And so, regardless, you know, those listening, regardless where you're at in that process, I can tell you there is a fairy tale ending, and it requires you to go through the hard stuff, and it requires the grief. And you can all have that fairy tale ending. You may not actually be a Disney princess, but you get the outcome, right? And so that's not unique just to your story, Emily. We can all have that story that we call our wonderful magical fairy tale.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Yes. I that's so beautifully put. I I love the analogy of the fairy tale too, because you look at those fairy tale stories we love and prize so much. You look at Cinderella and she lost both her parents. She lost both her parents, she was mistreated, she was abused, um, she didn't really have a lot of choices, I think. And that's really, really hard. And the beautiful thing about it, and the thing that we love so much about that story, is how she overcame it. One of my favorite, favorite moments in the animated film, my favorite moment in the animated film, is after her night at the ball. She's been given one night, one night of joy in her whole adult life, right? And she's thrown in the middle of the forest, boom, rotten pumpkins all around her, ragged clothes. And she t holds up the glass slipper, she looks up at the sky, it's gonna make me cry. And she says, Thank you. And that is that's the the key. In life, right? Surrounded by rotten pumpkins in rags. Right. To be able to look up and say, Thank you. You know? And to to see the joy in in the moments. And to just take yourself from one moment to the next and have have grace, just like you said. I loved that. Giving people permission to be where they are and experiencing the grief that they are. And I had a dear, dear friend, an autism mom who has since passed away now. And she said this to me. She said, you know, your son, your child, you will go through the grieving process as an autism parent over and over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_04 44:48

And it's different chapters of the same story.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

And giving yourself grace for that too. For wherever you are on that day with whatever you're experiencing. You know, for my for our situation now, my son's meltdowns are a lot less frequent, a lot less frequent. I mean, maybe for a year. And they are nowhere to the degree that they were when he was younger, when we were having several, you know, 45 minute and hour meltdowns every day. And there are times when it does feel like we're actually spending quite a bit of time in Italy, what feels like Italy. And then we'll have a day that's like, oh, that's right. Nope, we're in Holland. We're in Holland. That's where he, that's where he's from. He's from Holland. He's from Holland. Gotta remember. Gotta remember, he's from Holland. Um, and and it does, it takes you right back. It takes you right back to that feeling of I don't know what I'm doing. I'm I'm not parenting him in the way that he needs. I should have done this, I should have done that. And um and that's that's okay. Like you say, just just giving yourself grace for that. And then having a community that you've helped build for people who who need other parents who understand that is enormous because sometimes it's just getting getting from one hour to the next.

SPEAKER_02 46:09

Emily, I love all your insights. You've done a lot of good with a lot of you know wonderful messages to our audience. Um what's next? Like I know you're out there, you're in Hollywood, you're working with Disney and multiple projects. You have this wonderful YouTube channel. What's next on the horizon for your family?

SPEAKER_01 46:27

Oh, that's a good question. Um Well, we have started writing books now, uh, which is kind of an exciting new development. We've got the album now, we've got YouTube, and now we've got a physical, physical product that people can hold in their hands and and read with their kids or sing with their kids because they all come with a song. So I think that's probably where we're gonna keep going, is is offering more books for people. I like I like the idea of just trying to provide as much support through as many means as we can. And and then as far as what else is next, I mean, what's crazy is I never would have predicted any of this. At the beginning of that like Holland moment, right? That welcome to Holland moment, I would never have dreamed any of this would have been part of it. So there's a part of me that's like, your guess is as good as mine.

SPEAKER_02 47:23

You know?

SPEAKER_01 47:24

Um, but now we're going to Denmark.

SPEAKER_02 47:26

Now we're going to Denmark. Exactly. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Um, so I I hope there will be more books. I hope there will be more songs. I hope there will be more opportunities like this to continue sharing with um more people in this community. Um and and sharing faith and hope is uh that's what you guys are doing. And uh and we'll see. We'll see where the journey takes us.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Awesome. Well, that's really, really exciting, Emily. Thank you so much for being with us today and sharing your story with our wonderful audience. Uh we would love to have you back in the future. And please let us know all your books that you're coming out with, new songs, so we can share that with our friends. Thank you. I know they really would love to be a very good idea.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 48:08

That's so kind. Seriously, thank you for the inspiration. You know, for all those aspiring princesses that it actually can happen. For all those of us who I've never wanted to be a princess, but you know, giving me hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 48:19

You can be a prince charming.

SPEAKER_04 48:21

You know, I can still have my fairy tale story, right?

SPEAKER_02 48:23

And uh I just want to be Hercules. That's it.

SPEAKER_04 48:26

Well, and Emily, if nothing else, I I hope that you've inspired some to look within themselves and go, how can I use my passions to bring a new framework to my children, whether that's music, play, or I mean, we we all have something to bring. Yours was a passion free music, and I I can't wait to see how this blossoms in floods of inspiration for the families that are listening. So we can't thank you enough for your help and support.

SPEAKER_02 48:50

Yep. Well, thank you, Emily, and uh thank you everybody for making us part of your day. Please don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a great conversation that inspires connection. Want to thank our producer Jesse Palmer and our wonderful marketing director Alan Davis. Until next time.